Lately things haven’t been great by any means & for awhile I was truly struggling again with the thought of ending my life. Suicide isn’t a thought that just popped up during this current mess; it’s something I’ve struggled with since age 10- probably before then, but 10 is the first time I have it recorded on paper. When I moved to FL in 2007 my life was in ruins (again). I drove the 14 hours straight with the flimsiest of plans and basically knew in my heart that if it didn’t work out I was simply going in the ocean to not return. It took years of lessons to get me from one side of the pool to the other, so I knew there was no way I’d survive the ocean.
One night after my initial plan had totally gone to the dogs, I drove around tearily with a bottle of pills thinking only of heading to the beach and being done with life. I still wasn’t familiar with Ft Lauderdale radio stations & had hit scan to find a station. I heard a sad melody (hey, I was depressed, I wasn’t looking for party music! lol) and stopped. The verse and singer spoke to me. When he got to the chorus and I figured out this was a Christian song & station, beyond being shocked I was also sobbing. I’d made it to the beach parking lot by that point & I just sat in the car crying and crying out. The song was Undo by Rush of Fools & the station was WAY-FM. After the song ended, the deejay, Wally, made some goob joke and I laughed despite my tears. I didn’t change my station for months and I remember those months being lighter even though things were still rough. Even the “sad” songs had encouraging messages about God’s omnipresence or enduring love despite tough times. Usually the sad songs I listened to were just sad; this was new! The constant reminders that God was with me, other people had gone through similar things and that Christians can laugh and have fun did more for me than I knew.
When other people began to occasionally ride in my car they would give me a “look” and I would let them change the station to what they wanted. At some point I started changing it myself when I wanted to hear popular music. There is nothing wrong with popular music chosen wisely, but I didn’t choose wisely. By the time I stopped having to drive everyday (cutting out my guaranteed daily dose) and ended up home for months on short term disability, I listened mostly to what was in my library (& I have 13 consecutive days worth of secular music). I also started drinking more and became extremely depressed again.
Somewhere along the line I emailed another one of their deejays with a question. I hadn’t found a church in FL and after a bad experience I stopped looking, so essentially outside of prayer, the radio had been my primary encouragement. The deejay in question, Brant, always struck me as such a genuinely nice guy- and funny- and I figured maybe he would have some insight if he ever got around to the email- he is famous afterall! To my shock he wrote back the next day. I even asked him about suicide and he didn’t seem to flinch. If we ran into each other on the street we wouldn’t recognize each other probably, but he reached out & genuinely seemed to care. To this day he’s the only FB friend I have whose house I’ve never slept at or vice versa- I don’t friend easily! lol
Upon leaving FL May 1 (jobless/homeless) things got even worse & I found myself again in a place where living just didn’t seem worth it- this time I don’t even have a car afterall! When my heart was truly as low as it has ever been, a little voice whispered ‘way-fm has live stream’. It isn’t like I didn’t have my favorite tunes in my iTunes library, but I missed the silly commentary and news too… listening to WAY felt very close to fellowship. I immediately went to the site and I’m feeling much better in the past few days. Beyond the obvious “God” I credit WAY, Joyce Meyer’s frankness, Joel Osteen’s smiling hope and a LOT of prayer. Things haven’t changed, but they will. The music on WAY-FM gives me hope and encouragement. It keeps me … plugged in to God in a different way. I’ve always loved music, so to be shown that Christian rock rocks just as much as other genres and also has the added benefit of uplifting my soul has been a major blessing. Why the post on my love for a Christian station? 1. Someone thanked me for my twitter WAY-FM shout out which I found almost funny considering that they essentially saved my life & 2. A little voice reminded me that what I put in me will always come out. I need praise to come out in the midst of pain. I have no need for “making it rain”, Kristal or the pursuit of one night stands. So, yeah, I’m cleaning out my library and by some extension my mind. If I had money WAY-FM would for sure be something I supported. Ahhh and how perfect to end this post listening to Free to Be Me by Francesca Battestelli… so appropriate.
Hey Yo,
If Way FM has had such as consitent positive effect, why don’t you send them an email with your pic and a link to your web posting.
The stroy may be uplifting enough for them to employ you to do commercials and some type of job for them.
Anyway just a thought. Glad you have found an avenue to cope and stay strong, you are meant for better things or the lord would not have kept you around or given you what they can’t take away from you, if you weren’t meant for better days ahead. If I turn out to be wrong the other option is easy enough and comes to all of us when our time comes anyway.
Comment by Alan — June 7, 2009 @ 7:34 am |
Nah, I thought about applying for an internship when I lived in FL but i didn’t want to make the drive to West Palm. Their current closest station is in Nashville which houses Belmont, so I’m sure they’re maxed out on people who want to work for them. This was just a public thanks to them for what they do.
Comment by Yolanda — June 7, 2009 @ 12:41 pm |
My Handyman told me an interesting story about his female friend. She was a director of marketing for one of the four major mail from home pharmacy companies. She left the job to move to South Florida. She was considering working again in just a rep type position and a friend of hers told her a competitor was hiring. Initally the interview was set for her to fly to the city were the company was. She got a call telling her they were coming to her.
PS they hired her to work from home as their Director of Marketing at $150 K a year. They even brought an HR person. The interesting thing is this woman could prim and priss all day long and not look a 1/3 as good as Yolanda’s face will on a billboard. In fact if you put her on the air, I think Howard Stern might have had to worry about his ratings, because as all the interviews on Stern listeners suggest “you just never know what she is going to say next”, except she can keep it clean. Anyway Jeff, I am sure you have enough ratings without her, but imagine what this persons face can do and the story she has to tell about your radio station.
Comment by Alan — June 7, 2009 @ 3:34 pm
Wow. We are deeply humbled Yolanda.
My name is Jeff and I work at the WAY-FM in Nashville. Thank you for sharing your story.
I’m so glad to hear that God is using what we do (and the artists whose music we play) to impact your life in such a powerful way.
You are right about Brant. He is a genuinely nice guy.
Comment by Jeff — June 7, 2009 @ 2:59 pm |
You guys do such great work; I had to say something
Actually, you do more than you think… when I moved out of my apartment I knew I couldn’t afford a U-Haul or anything like that, & my first thought was Faith Farm Ministries- one of the advertised FL partners who helps addicts on the journey of recovery. I left my fully furnished apartment with nothing but clothes. So, amazingly in the midst of my sadness *I* was able to possibly be a blessing to someone else also thanks to you guys. 
Keep up the good work!
Comment by Yolanda — June 7, 2009 @ 3:59 pm |
Alan, thank you for always wanting to be my cheerleader, but I’m not comfortable with that sort of self promotion.
Comment by Yolanda — June 7, 2009 @ 5:22 pm |
woops, did not see that, well ok you know what is best for you Yolanda.
Comment by Alan — June 7, 2009 @ 5:29 pm |
no worries.
i deleted the reply to Jeff’s comment, but kept the original. 
Comment by Yolanda — June 12, 2009 @ 10:35 am
You asked: “What’s one song that can usually put you in a good mood or at least make you smile no matter what?”
Not in order of reliability achieving the objective, just how they came to mind.
1. Twist and Shout. The Beatles (has to be while watching the Ferris Bueller version.
2. Turn Up Your Radio. The Masters Apprentices. (“Fifteen years today and you remember how.”)
3. Rock & Roll Radio. The Ramones. (“Do you remember lyin’ in bed, with the covers pulled up over your head?”)
4. Pumping On Your Stereo. Supergrass. (Hmmm. There’s a theme developing here…)
5. Do Anything You Wanna Do. Eddie & The Hotrods. (Dating myself now… 1977)
6. Chelsea Dagger. The Fratellis. (Finally, something from this century! “…tugging your sleeve, the girls get lonely after you leave…”)
7. Happiness. Pizzaman. (of course! “Happiness – sets us free.”)
8. The Teams That Meet in Caffs. Dexy’s Midnight Runners. (instrumental and NOT in a major key, but a thing of beauty nonetheless.)
…and probably lots more I can’t think of now (Carolina by Shaggy, Band of Gold by Freda Payne)
And it’s not my place, but I second the spirit of Alan’s comments – you have a unique voice worth paying attention to.
Comment by Julian McNally — June 11, 2009 @ 8:48 pm |
Thank you!
I absolutely love getting new music & I didn’t realize how much of my collection was practically morbid until I started cleaning it out LOL Also thank you for the compliment… “unique voice”… now if I can just convince an agent or publisher 
Comment by Yolanda — June 12, 2009 @ 10:35 am |